This may sound silly at first but let’s pretend you are a buyer of luxury items. You have the opportunity and means to purchase one and only one luxury item.
If the cost were the same which would you prefer, buying a Lamborghini or chartering a luxury yacht for a week? Both are just different forms of transportation. Each meets a different need for the buyer. Does your choice of one make the other more or less valuable?
The answer: The one you chose is more valuable to you. Your choice does not change the inherent value of the other.
Now pretend you are the owner who is selling the item. Which buyer would you prefer to work with, the one who already sees the value, the one who is unsure and shopping around, or the one who has the money but really wants something else? You know the answer. You would want the one who already wants and values the item, right? There’s no haggling, no trying to manipulate to get more, or to make the sale.
What does this have to do with dating?
Dating is a lot like shopping. For example: Some are browsing and exploring, others are trying to extract or negotiate what they want, and those who know what they are looking for will move forward without hesitation if there’s a fit.
Dating is often made more difficult because:
- The experience is personalized.
- People put false pressure on the timing.
- If there is not a good fit, there is a tendency to want to manipulate the fit rather than move on.
I used the example of a luxury item because dating for your soul mate is not a hunt in the bargain basement nor is it a numbers game with potential partners being a dime a dozen.
If you know that it’s all about what fits or doesn’t fit, it takes more of the sting out of dating. This makes it easier to de-personalize the whole situation.
People looking for their soul mate are willing to wait it out a bit. They realize that acting desperate or needy is more likely to create a situation where they feel compromised and unsatisfied. Also, someone who wants what you have to offer will travel any distance and do whatever is required just to be with you.
You are more willing to shop around until you find the fit that is right for both people. When you realize your true value and are authentic, you know that the right person will jump at the opportunity to be with you. Letting go of those who are not a good fit or who do not value you properly will be easier. They are just looking for something or someone different. You will see what used to be called rejection as a blessing where each person is freed up to connect with their true match. And, the idea of working hard to convince someone to be with you is something you refuse to even entertain.
You are less likely to pass judgment on yours or another’s fitness for relationship because things did not match up between you. Over the years, I’ve seen all types of relationship pairings that are soul mate quality between people who were criticized by previous partners for the very thing that made them fit well with their current partner. It’s more about what is right for you than what is right or fair across the board. You also tend to invite more love in when you are willing to let go of judgment.
Maintaining the relationship you attract is easier than any other relationship you have ever had. The idea that relationships are painful or hard work goes right out the window. It is much easier to maintain and grow in a relationship that fits from the start than to try to make something fit through negotiation.
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Hugs,
Lisa
